setahun lebih dah. gasak.

i feel like writing again. writing down my feelings. dah lama tak emo terhadap dunia. kalau luah fisikal orang tak layan. baik aku luah digital (heh betul ke penggunaan?) whatever lah ni blog guaaa. okey see u when i'm emo again

waw dah lama kita tak bersua ya?

assalamualaikum, peace be upon you my sisters and brothers. ecehh

new update: i'm now doing my clinical works in Bandung, heyyy. got my first patient for removable denture today. my first time for everything. it is quite stressful due to many factors, direct and indirect. tapi nampak macam cerah je masa depan ni, so i'm not going to give up just yet. *eventhough i went home early today, a sign of giving up* i needed the time out, so that i can bounce back up again tomorrow, insyaAllah. thank goodness even though my doctor and senior don't think it's an easy case to handle, but the patient trusts in me and that's all that matters, actually. yeah, there were moments when i pictured myself just crying it out while talking to my mom, but i'm not going to do that just yet. don't want my mum to feel bad about it. *since i'd once said to my mom, this is her choice, not mine (yes i felt bad saying that)* i know momma's choice is the best, insyaAllah. takpe, dunia belum berakhir. buat apa nak risau. yang penting buat mak rasa gembira dapat pahala bro, one step closer to heaven woot2. which brings us to the second topic

gua homesick broooo. haha. its going to be my first time untuk 3 bulan straight tak balik rumah rasanya. tambah dengan stress, and my father's 60th birthday coming soon, it hurts so much not to be home and see my family. time-time ni lah rasa cam "oh kan best kalau belajar kat malaysia, dekat dengan rumah sikit" dah nina, enough is enough. dah nak masuk 4 tahun kat luar negara, takkan tak dapat terima hakikat lagi yang awak bukan belajar kat malaysia. tinggal setahun lebih je lagi, so shut up, tighten up, and go all out. dulu nak sangat menjelajah kan? kuikuikui.

last update: please please please try to watch walking dead, the new series about world infested by zombies and this group of people trying to survive from being eaten/bitten alive. the 2nd season just started. and the 1st season is only of 6 episodes. its a good show. or i might be too obsessed with the zombie concept due to this one experience of playing Left for Dead, sampai tak nak balik rumah. haha. noob nina.

ok la tu je. curhat again later. dedaa.

oh no i don't

i don't really want my blog to be read by thousands of people. i only want a small circle of people who reads for the sake of enriching themselves or because they've been through the same thing or or because they really want to get to know me. so, no i don't want to register with any blogger society or gang. i'm not interested in showing too much details to too many strangers. or do i have the time to update people with interesting facts or jokes.

'cos i like it personal.

lyrical honesty

this is a song by Sheila on 7

#Perfect Time#

tonight is the perfect time
pack my things and try
remember all the words that went bad

these hands you should hold
this heart you should keep
let the stars above us replace all the falling tears

would it be better if we were never near
knowing you more has always been my fear
let’s say goodbye to find a better place
before it’s too late

there is always a way for love
but sometimes not on the same road
dreaming is the only land fit for you and me

yang part highlighted tu, hmm memang selalu yang aku rasakan. kan lebih baik, kalau kita tak pernah mengenal sesama sendiri. takdir menemukan kita, tapi takdir juga memisahkan kita. ecewahh jiwang nina. motip sangat. 

nina, awak dah berjaya melupakan dia dan mematikan perasaan terhadap dia kan. walaupun dia selalu online chat facebook, awak tak tekan nama dia dan bagi salam pun. ya mesti ada yang geram cakap tegur je lah apa salahnya, tapi bukan awak yang merasa apa yang saya rasakan. mesti ada juga yang ngomel kenapa tak buang je dari senarai kawan. tak boleh, sebab kita memang berkawan. putus komunikasi bukan bermakna putus kawan. dan bukan juga bermakna aku masih mengharap. okey mengharaplah sikit. cukuplah setakat itu je. kalau dah bukan jodoh, kita diamkan aje ya. 

saying goodbye is never easy

be it giving somebody away for marriage, loved one's passing away, or a friend searching for a better future somewhere far.

the thought of not being able to see them once again, makes the heart aches wildly, and it cringes every time you remember the memories and shared experiences that we had with them before. sometimes, we even avoid the places that can bring back those memories. something caught in your throat, tears held back before the eyes, heartbeats going erratic. 

what makes it worse is that you don't know what the future holds. will we ever meet again? will they do just fine over there? will they be just another distant memory that would slowly be erased by time? 

there's just too much goodbyes I've bid this past few years. crying won't solve anything. accepting needs time. i hope someday i can find the strength to move on. as spirited as i can be, i'm still frail deep inside.

p/s: going to be in "no-mood" mood this coming few days. i can't wait to go home soon. i miss my family so much. 

yesternight, there was a mild quake

but i did not felt it. i was sound asleep, like a baby.
Praise be to Allah for keeping me safe and sound until i opened my eyes again for Subuh prayers.

i only knew about the quake after friends started updating their status on Facebook.
and this made me ponder:

what if the quake didn't stop, and the Earth swallowed me inside while i was still fast asleep?
what if i never woke up from the slumber, until the Day of Resurrection?
what if i haven't completed my duties towards Allah for that day?

so many ifs that can't be answered by human minds.

so friends, while you are still breathing, while you still have the pleasure of time, make a conversation with Allah, be closer to Him. Do everything that you think can cleanse yourself of the past wrongdoings, and increase your belief in Him.

are we using our time in this world wisely? are we ready for the 'real' world hereafter?

and also, whenever's possible, think of the things that surrounds us. take ibrah from what's happening. wallahualam

moral dari buku

let it go. don't think too much about the person u're gonna spend your life with. or the person u hoped u'll spend your life with. restrict yourself from contacting unnecessarily. this will only lead to dreaming and hoping of something that might not come to reality. free yourself from this uncertainty. dating, coupling, holding hands, doing more than syara' allows, these acts doesn't prove anything if it is still uncertain.

"oh i love you, will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?"
"oh you make me smile everyday, may i take this picture of us, cheek to cheek, as a memory?"

you know what, these acts does not make you one step closer to being together. cause you just don't know about fate and future. no one have a clue. only Allah knows. so when you think you're doing something to prove your love and to prove that you'll be together forever, you're just lying to yourself. and if the relationship doesn't end well, you'll start to think of these acts that you've done...you might feel regretful, or you might feel betrayed and hurt. if only you didn't start any of this. and when things starts to go wrong, people will start to blame God, who in the first place, already said "don't do it". shame on you, people.

mungkin sebab itu dalam Islam, kita tak boleh berhubungan dengan insan bukan muhrim, kalau tidak ada urusan. sebab Allah tahu, manusia tu lemah,saling memerlukan, dan perbezaan kita membuatkan kita tertarik sesama sendiri. dan anda mesti selalu dengar perkataan ini "cinta pertama adalah cinta yang terindah" apa salahnya cinta pertama itu kekal indah selama-lamanya? Allah tahu yang terbaik untuk kita. :)

dah lama tak jadi samseng

dulu waktu kanak-kanak, aku seorang yang ganas. kuat marah, kuat guna kekerasan. tapi aku tak sampai tahap membuli. okeh mungkin aku membuli secara lisan, tapi mulut laser masuk ke dalam kategori membuli? tak kan...

lepas aku dah mula masuk sekolah menengah, aku berubah menjadi lebih ayu *muntah*. aku doa tak putus-putus waktu pergi umrah pertama kali. insiden yang buat aku terdetik nak berubah bila mak aku menangis senyap-senyap sebab kecil hati dengan aku (aku tak tanya, tapi itu yang aku agak). kenapalah jahat sangat aku sebagai anak?*menyesal* haish... tapi alhamdulillah, itu semua dah berubah, walaupun tak banyak, tapi aku lebih menghargai ibu bapa aku dan orang sekeliling. aku cuba merendah diri dan menghormati semua orang. walaupun dia lebih muda dari aku. dan aku juga berdoa, untuk aku kurang bercakap, sebab apa yang aku cakap selalu salah. aku teringat mural kat sekolah menengah yang bunyi lebih kurang macam ni "lebih baik berdiam diri dari berkata-kata yang tidak berfaedah". aku hadam banyak kali. mendalam sungguh maknanya.

tapi dalam hidup, walau macam mana pun kita cuba nak elak dari marah, memang akan terlepas lah satu atau dua kali. susah nak kawal. rasa lemah gila lepas tu.

alkisah tadi training volley..aku pula bukan atlet langsung. tak pernah main sukan. first time main bola tampar yang serius. selama ni main sambut dalam bulatan je. pastu bila ada manusia yang macam lagi hebat, dah main bertahun-tahun, aku mula rasa kurang yakin dengan diri sendiri. tapi bila dia dah berlagak dan anggap kita macam bodoh *aku rasa sebab aku macam minah skema tadi yang blur2 gitu*... apa lagi, aku dah mula membayangkan aksi-aksi tarik menarik rambut tampar menampar. nasib bayangkan aje. kalau buat betul-betul mau kecoh satu kampung *aku duduk dalam kawasan kampung* dan aku luahkan je kat kawan-kawan aku. tapi aku rasa, kalau aku tak cakap, lagi bagus kan? aku patut biarkan je, tak simpan dalam hati. sekarang, aku kena kurangkan perasaan terasa, dan jangan berdendam. biarkan orang nak buat kita, kita lebih tahu siapa kita.

aku perlukan nasihat macam mana nak kawal emosi. selain dari mengaji please. tadi waktu mengaji pun tak dapat fokus sebab fikirkan sangat. *eh tapi bila istighfar banyak2 sebenarnya sangat berkesan, insyaAllah* okeh.sekian,terima kasih.

p/s: manusia sekarang memang dah hilang rasa hormat kat orang. sedih :(

its my blog. i can write whatever i want.

i hate how cowardly i am now!
hiding the truth, acting so strong
no, that does not make me a better person
only someone as chicken can be proud of these.

why is it so hard for me to show what i feel
why do i look away every time
why do i keep myself silent
in the end, it doesn't come up to any result

why am i afraid of a taboo.
i don't want to try my luck
i just don't have the courage
at all.
*curse*

mangsa yang rela. (oi ni fashion trend lah!)

spesis mangsa rela ni memang senang untuk dijumpai dimana-mana. sebelum aku menokok tambah, mai aku terangkan lagi.
mangsa rela yang saya maksudkan disini adalah mangsa rela berfesyen pelik demi mengikut 'trend'.

seribu simpati saya sampaikan kepada mereka yang telah menjadi mangsa rela ini. tapi maaf, saya tidak mampu menolong anda ke jalan yang benar, sebab anda yang memilih jalan itu.mungkin anda akan bilang "tapi Lady Gaga itu lagi pelik umangaih" tapi anda melakukan kesalahan disitu sebab anda meletakkan Lady Gaga sebagai batu pengukur. Selagi tak nampak macam Lady Gaga, selagi itu tak pelik, bagi anda. tsk tsk tsk

wahai mengkeme mengkeme(anda-anda) sekalian,

its been ages, ey?

I'd only left the internet for few weeks, but it looks as if I'd missed a year's progression. haha.
and, I can see that i'd gained more followers, thank you :)

so..deactivated my Facebook account, only for a while, until i feel comfortable enough to go on it again.Trust me when I say that I don't have a specific reason for doing it. Don't worry, I actually felt liberated. In order to keep up with the rest of the world (since I don't own any TV nor do I go online that often), I tweet. Quite awesome, short and simple.

lets talk about hopes and dreams for year 2011.. my list goes like this:
1. be friendlier and more approachable. *gonna say hi to people and think of things to talk about*
2. less food more moving around *exercise is a strange word*
3. complete the Quran atleast twice per year. *just a sidenote: it's much more worthwhile if you also read the translation after every recitation, don't worry if you're a bit slow to finish it, its not how much you do it, its how sincere you are*
4. spend money more wisely *gonna follow ally's great tips and gonna be a millionaire soon! insyaAllah :D*
5. be diligent, work efficiently and effectively. give the best in assignments and duties.

#6 (extra from what i wrote in twitter): worry not of what people say and just go for my dreams. pendek kata, tebalkan muka, chin up, and be brave. Nina, i feel positive about this :)

black dots and white spirals

.malukecilhatikecewahampalemah.

most nights, I stare blankly at the dark sky of  a ceiling and questioned myself: 

what am I doing here, all alone, far away from my loved ones? why do I choose to be here. 

why can't I be near to them. why should I be living on my own, in a room, with nothing but mere silence as a friend. 

and then, my heart hears a whisper: why not? U've always wanted freedom, and now's the chance. 

Hmm. I may look like an independent strong woman who everybody can rely on, but sincerely, I am in need of support too. Not many understand this.

crap

oh shit. i might been having the wrong hunches after all.

*runs around crazily*

matilamak haha...

a letter to juliet

*Imagine I'm in verona, sitting on a bench, in front of Juliet's balcony*

dear Juliet,

I know you're just a fictitious character created by William Shakespeare, yet...

kenapa harus ada cinta?

aku peliklah.
kenapa kita ada kecenderungan untuk ingin bercinta?
kenapa kita selalu rasa "kan best kalau ada peneman waktu suka duka segala"
aku pun tak tau dari mana datang idea-idea ni.
selama ni elok je bertahan layan perasaan sorang2.

3s: saya stress sangat

tak kesahlah ada org baca ke tak blog saya ni. janji puas nak luahkan perasaan. hmmm

in a few days, i'm heading back to bandung. this time, i'm not that excited since there's so many assignments that are due next week, and labs everyday, that's gonna be tough. i know i can cope, but it'll drain my soul and i'm already turning into a zombie.

i might say that i like being in bandung, just because i know i'm going to be busy with classes and all, and have no time to think about unnecessary stuffs i'd always think about. i'm only almost 21, but i already feel drained.

and another, i'm tired of constantly being scolded already. if only i can understand what you're trying to say, it would have been easier for us. right now, i've made a decision to not go home for the next raya. i know it'll be super hard, but its something i must do to know myself and my limits.

people, don't miss me too much, cos i don't think i'm gonna be able to react the same way.

lastly, those moments...those few seconds of moments i had, i wished,hoped,prayed u felt it too. its that kind of moments that made me forget every worries. and thats all i need for now.

tak best lah!

apa yang tak best?
perasaan ni

perasaan apa?
perasaan tak dapat nak menghalang orang dari melakukan kesilapan

oh susah tu.
tu la susah gila. lagi-lagi bila kita sendiri tak yakin dengan outcome and result hasil perbincangan nanti

takpe, cuba je la dulu bila ada masa ok?
ermm insyaAllah, doakan aku ada keberanian ok untuk mengupas isu ini.

eceh kupas isu.
haha bongok la kau

timekaseh.
sesama :)

pesanan penaja: cakap dengan diri sendiri dapat mengelakkan dari bergosip dan mengumpat.

*bila kita tak dapat nak selamatkan orang, kenapa kita je yang rasa bersalah tapi orang tu lek je?*

i think that's enough

i'm just on my 3rd week of the 4th semester, and i'm soOOOO tired already. i don't mind attending the labs and all, but two labs at once, each lab takes 2-3hours, that's just too much. My mind cannot work that long..haha!

and now, every tuesday, i have to carry a humongous backpack, and a toolbox to and fro Unpad..fiuhh heavy stuff. if i'm travelling by car/motorcycle, its ok, but i walk most of the journey.. do u know how tiring it is? my shoulder aches from carrying the stuffs.. plus not getting enough sleeps, its just worsen the whole situation.

i am sleep-deprived, energy-deprived, and i can't stay up until late anymore :( i want to, but my eyes won't let me. so i'm sorry :((

its frustrating, to know that. huh. i need more time of the day, more energy.

yet, its comforting to know that, only 3.5 years more, and i'm done. i've already survived 2 years, in a blink of an eye ;) tak sabar nak habis oi!

hah! ini rupanya!

baru aku tau selama ni apa yang membuatkan aku rasa tak nak balik bandung sungguh-sungguh, padahal bukannya aku hidup susah..ataupun belajar susah. suka je. rupa-rupanya

macam duduk dalam kotak je dalam bilik ni. dah habis kemas bilik pun rasa macam gelisah. ya lah, kat rumah tu macam banyak gila benda buat padahal tak ada lah tengok tv sangat pun. maybe sebab asyik kena kacau dengan kakak kot. *i'm not saying i already miss you okeh. berangan laaa* ahahaha. nak bercakap dengan orang. aku perlukan interaksi uolls!

and i missed the havocness of subang jaya. i like the pace. kat sini, everything is so slow, it seems that the only ones who're rushing are the lorry drivers and student2 malaysia. hai cik lenggang~!

okeh. enough enough. i need to do something to distract myself. later!

oh what a day

• i started off early in the morning.by 7 something, i was already on the road, heading to sungai buloh. drove all the way, thankfully without a single headache. yet i hate the coldness of morning. not a morning person for sure.

• urghh.one of the appointments are lost somewhere/couldnt be traced. and the sister even dared to lecture me. i remembered specifically, it was you who made the appointment, but i resist myself from making a scene.took some blood, laughed(by my own, like a lunatic) at two kids who are perfect strangers, yet mimicked and played with each other like they're brothers and sisters. so cute and innocent! :))

• back in subang by 11 something. straight to maybank. made a new account. too much fuss. poor customer service, i'd say..assuming that the customers already know all the products available at the bank. and they aren't as friendly as how Malaysians always are who greets with a smile, and a simple "hi can i help u?".

• then, off to post office, where i sent two packages. disgusted amused by my own handwriting. how bad it turned out, even after 16 years of practice (sheesh i'm that old). and i can't renew my driving licence. the cards are out of stock! haha. damn u jpj.

• helped my mum to make kebab and macaroni soup for dinner, and mom was waayyy too excited with the delicacy of the day: torpedo/bull's testicle. yekk. i'll hang myself before daring myself to eat those crazyfood. well, farid said something, and made me want to try it, but no, i won't, yet, maybe. haha

well. i felt like an adult, doing all those chores in one day. usually it took me one day for each task to be completed. even if u guys don't feel the same/agree with me, all i can say is: I'm proud of myself. for being able to cope with those dreadful situations in a calm and ethical manner. other than being emo to my dad. well, that's another story. hah. the end.